Definitely a Stalker

So, as an add on to my previous post. The same guy got worse. Today before noon he messaged me saying “I’m going to keep messaging you. You need to let go of this grudge.” I never did anything to him besides cancel plans on Tuesday with him. This is insane. It ended with “It’ll destroy you”. I dont care if he ment that towards the grudge thing… but who the hell even messages you for almost 24hrs without a response then says anything about anything destroying me.

Stalker…

I was on the new FB dating thing. Mainly because it was already attached to my FB app and figured, “What’s the harm?”

I now have a f**king stalker. He is friends with my one friend. Well, my plans for the day for our first date changed and he got all upset and I simply told him that if he was gonna get that upset with my schedule changing it wasnt going to work out. He went psychotic. Messaging me ever few minutes. Doing every manipulative thing under the sun.

At one point turning my own diagnosis against me. I stood up for myself telling him not to dare turn this on me. Then I ignored him again. All day he had been bombarding my inbox. It’s getting insane. He’s constantly using excuses for his behavior (i.e abuse, narcissists in his life, mental illness, etc). Then he turns around and uses mine against me. I dont feel safe. That’s why I stopped messaging him. He keeps sending “Last message….” then an hr later send me another message. It’s like he cant stop it. He went from “Never acknowledge me again. I’m not coming to the town you live in anymore because of you. And block me on FB” to “Please dont block me. I want to be friends. I’m gonna get therapy. Dont leave me“. This is crazy…..

It’s about damn time

After 3 or 4 months of straight up harassment, abuse, and bullying from coworker I finally put my notice in. I cannot work here anymore. I should have quit 2 months ago… I’m honestly tossing around the idea of reporting it as a hostile work envimoment.

You Must Think I’m a Fool.

For months my coworkers have absolutely harrassed and bullied me to the point I almost checked myself into the hospital multiple times because I wanted to kill myself after my shift. Well, apparently someone had a talk with those coworkers (maybe the GM?) and now they’re acting like they did before. Really? Do you really think I’m that stupid to think “oh everything is okay, itll be good now”. This has been a cycle of abuse. I’m finally done. I’m giving my two weeks here in the next couple days. Part of me hopes they try to convince me to stay. I’m not gonna stay as long as the ringleader is still there to bully me and lead their minions…

Nexplanon day 2

Well, it hurt like a son of a bitch after the numbing wore off. I got it before my period came (I was two weeks late and wasnt pregnant… stress related). I got it done in the morning, that night my period started. Hoping this works for me…

Tip-toeing out of the cabinet

So, I’ve realized I’m pansexual. This means I’m attracted to people regardless of gender or identification. I fall for the person. I first came out to my friend, then my boyfriend, some coworkers, and finally my sister. Sadly, I cant tell any of my other family members because theyll disown me or tell me I’m going to hell… how can I be going to hell for falling for people in a way I didnt choose. I didnt choose for my heart to race when I see that beautiful woman in the corner. I didnt choose to get flustered when a cute guy talks to me. I didnt choose to be attracted to anyone. It happened. I chose to be pansexual as much as they chose to be straight.

Thank the Lord

This month I had a legit pregnancy scare. My breasts were SUPER sensitive to touch and hurt so bad, got larger, I felt sick in the mornings, and was constantly tired. My period was late. My boyfriend is a “boob guy” he plays with my boobs constantly. I dont usually care, but I told him they’ve been hurting a lot lately. He looks at me terrified. I told him its probably my period coming soon. He literally looked freaked out, which of course freaked me out because I really hadn’t let the worry sit in. Thank goodness my period came today… I didnt wanna go down that road. My boyfriend and I have both hit financial rock bottom before you hit homeless. We would have absolutely no money for pregnancy or a child. Hell, I’m still on my parents insurance.

Found Me

Since my engagement fell apart I started questioning my sexuality. I have for years. I’ve had crushes (the awkward butterfly ones) on girls while I was growing, but I was raised that anyone who liked the same sex was going to hell… hell has always scared me. Death scares me..

So I shoved those feelings deep down and pretended they weren’t there. Well, I started opening myself up to the possibility that I’m not the heterosexual I believed I was. Big surprise… I’m not. I’m dating a guy right now, but when I finally opened myself up I found myself checking out women, finding them attractive, and feeling flustered around them.

However, something still didnt feel right about saying my bi… because that wasn’t it. I dont care if they’re Male or female. Hell, I don’t care if they’re transgender, genderfluid, androgynous, masculine, etc. It was that exact person. To me, bi didn’t cover that to me.

Today while on pinterest I found a photo saying “I didnt come out of the closest. I came out of the cabinet because that’s where the pans are”. It hit me right then… bisexual didnt fit me because it was more than that. I’m attracted to them regardless of everything. It is their personhood that attracts me. Today I realized I’m pansexual. I told my friend and he told me that he’s going to treat me like Jack Harkness whenever we hang out. Lol (Doctor who character that is pansexual and tends to hit on anyone and everyone).

The sad thing is I made this realization and it’s still a secret. If I date a woman itll be a secret or face losing all of my family except my sister… my boyfriend knows I’m into women as well and is fine with that. He actually is very inclusive about things he says. My parents would disown me and then I’m completely alone and screwed… so, I realized who I am but I still have to live a lie… for now…

Finally Made The Leap

I dont know if I mentioned this previously, but one day my work tried to use my boyfriend as leverage to get me to go in and work. It pissed me off. Then that same day they started taking it out on me when they were mad at him. It’s gotten even worse. I had my manager walk out on us for 30 minutes for the smallest reason. I still don’t understand why it was a big deal. They’ve completely switched me from what I was hired for to what they just dont feel like hiring people for. I am no longer working really any hours doing the job I was hired for. Instead, they have hired 4 new people for that position instead of the one I was forced into. So I’m giving my two weeks notice and I have a job lined up. I was just hired today after talking with the manager for only 15 minutes. He hired me on the spot and said he may be able to pay me more than what I was asking. I finally got tired of the childish behavior, the emotional abuse, the bullying, and all the motherfucking drama that was happening at my work place I’m currently at. They’ve had about 5 or 6 people quit within the last month. Some of which only worked there for 3 weeks to a month and quit. They only seem to ever hire managers and then make them work longer shifts than they’re legally allowed to.

I wont get to see my boyfriend almost every day, but I think thatll actually be better for us because we aren’t snapping at each other at work. That we will be less stressed when we get to spend time with each other. He’s already reassured me that we will be okay if I switch jobs and that it’s okay for me to switch jobs if I feel that’s what’s best. I get sick so often when I’m at work I thought I was pregnant (i work almost every morning). My dad almost died and none of the managers cared. Woman has cancer and is receiving radiation, they’re more worried about “running the business” than the woman keeping her life. I’m out of there. I cant work under those conditions anymore…

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